Solace of the Shadows
Sunday, July 22, 2007
To the one I respect deeply, trust unquestionably, who is one of the most competent people i know, is there to listen to my rantings, is by my side during the most important moments, who shares the best sights with me, goes on random adventures and trips without fear or worry, who doesn't mind roughing it out or getting mud on her feet or sand between her toes (or losing a toenail as a result) unlike most girls, who enjoys having a good plate of nasi padang and cup of teh at the sarabat stall, my mugging partner, my badminton teacher, the one whom i am thankful for and who tells me off when i deserve to be told off or screws up but doesn't realize it til it's too late:
Happy 23rd birthday dearrr
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
There comes a point when self-tolerance reaches a ceiling and you have to step back and do one of those seperate evaluations. I keep hearing all these stories of success and it gets me all psyched up for a grand total of 5 minutes, and then I go back to coping with my self created workload and exaggerating just how heavy it really is. Sometimes it gets so easy to fall into the trap of being so fixated on the outcome that the whole process of how you're gonna get there seems to dissipate, and you end up not getting very much further.
So why don't I make like my course modules advocate and do some short-term objective setting (by August):
1) Learn excel beyond knowing how to add and multiply
2) Learn enough Arabic to survive a day in the Middle East
3) Treat the people that matter much better than the current weak excuse of an attempt to do so
As always, I am grateful that Fatin is there to lend direction and purpose. I think you're the only one who reads this anymore, and I hope I don't let you down somehow.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
So it's a new year, and the quietest new year i've had in ages. Which is good, because i guess, like birthdays, i've always had my reservations with the significance of such days anyway.
I think the reason why i haven't been posting as much as i'd like sometimes boils down to several things. One of which is that i'm increasingly troubled by the realization that I seem to be losing grasp of the whole thought into words process. It is amazingly frustrating when a person loses his ability to communicate his thoughts to others, even in as simple a manner as possible. I can't even describe the feeling (which just substantiates my point), but such a loss is like losing a part of yourself. When you can't get others to understand you, then you start to wonder sometimes if what goes through your head sometimes is of any use to begin with.
Another random thought, sometimes I think that it may be inherent in people that we want to see others fail. It is a guilty thought, but also a self-affirming one which we subconciously try not to acknowledge. Which individual wants to see his replacement do a better job than he has? Who wants to see someone succeed more than the effort he has put in himself? We are all selfish, but to what degree. And I marvel at those who seem to selflessly appreciate the achievement of others with no hint of negativity in the least, at least on the surface. Hopefully, such creeping thoughts can be beaten away because it is certainly not something good.
I'm glad for things being the way they are right now. And i'm glad for Fatin, who has done so much for me it'd be ridiculous to attempt to describe just how. I only hope I can do likewise in time to come and beyond.
This has been a really random post, so here's some pictures from Vietnam, which was an awesome experience both as a trip and for a competition. On the last day of competition the Vietnamese got a bunch of the swimmers from the various countries hooked on playing Chap teh with them outside the pool, it was a simple yet highly amusing memory. I glad Fatin convinced me to go, because I realized that I won't be able to experience these things anymore. You don't get many more opportunities when you grow older, so just take 'em as they come.
ASEAN Uni Games Vietnam 2006 Pictures
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The best news interview i've seen on any news station ever.
"The problem is you don't give a damn, you don't know about the Palestinian families. You don't even know that they exist...You don't even know their names, but you know the name of every Israeli soldier who has been taken in this conflict, because you believe, whether you know it or not, that Israeli blood is more valuable than the blood of Lebanese, or Palestinians. That's the truth, and the discerning of your viewers, already know it."
Friday, August 04, 2006
The frustration has come to a point where each time I turn on the television, only to be fed more and more images of the war between Israel and Lebanon, I am utterly disgusted with what I see. One may ask, why should you be so affected by this? I don't think I could fully express myself well enough to answer that. But I believe this issue extends beyond that of religion, it includes the fundamental principle of truth and what is right.
I am not Lebanese, yet when I see all that is happening, I feel suffocated and helpless. I cannot even begin to concieve how those living in the Middle East must feel, being portrayed as extremists and terrorists so casually and unjustly by the rest of the world. And people wonder why they would end their lives as suicide bombers? They do so out of sheer desperation, because there is simply no other way to end their oppression.
Why is it when Israel invades Lebanon, it is simply deemed a calculated military defensive action. But when Hizbollah decides to counter-attack, suddenly a terrorist nation is destroying the sanctity of world peace? Since when have Lebanon done anything remotely terrorist related?
So at the end of this conflict, if Lebanon decides to return the 2 Israeli soldiers, how will Israel repay the 600 Lebanese (and 4 UN officials) killed innocently by their terrorist army?
Still the world's news media, insidiously controlled by major conglomerates owned by powerful jews, continue to cloud the world's population with lies on the television, radio and in the newspapers. The Israelies are continually depicted as the victims, and yet they continue to live in opulence while the Gaza strip and West Bank remain barren wastelands, Palestinians forced to live amongst the rubble. That is the problem with news, people rely too freely and thus believe too freely in what they see and hear on the news. Because it is NEWS, it is the truth. To believe that would be to be foolish. We can't go to the country itself, so we will never understand the situation there. But it doesn't mean we should be taken in by what we see.
For those who still don't know, Israel is a nation which was only created in the year 1947 by the United Nations who forcefully expelled native Palestinians living in that area from their homeland to make way for an influx of Jews from all over the world. Before 1947, Israel was a country which never existed on the globe. Imagine Singaporeans being kicked out of their homeland because Malaysians believe the land is rightfully theirs and decided to reclaim it for themselves. Ok bad analogy, but that's pretty much how it was.
We have to open our eyes to the truth.
Please read these articles :
(thanks to Fatin for this article)
Friday, June 30, 2006
Quote of the month
"The onus should not be on me to justify to you that i deserve the refund, but on you to convince me as to why i should be paying you"
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Just a random thought; when and how does one make a decision to let an old friendship die? Should one expend energy trying once in a while to nurse that dying flame, even when it suddenly becomes apparent that the flame isn't reciprocating these efforts by providing any warmth in return.
I always half-heartedly believed that friends are borne through circumstance, mostly because likeness of personalities tend to be a better substitute for common events. And yet, without circumstance, perhaps conversations tend to become restricted to the past more often than not. Even then I believe personalities can subvert this obstacle. But only if it is mutual between the two friends.
So when should one finally say "screw this, you try to initiate once, you try ten times to get things together and catch up, and he/she never seem interested anyway, i'm sick of this" Well, perhaps I have reached such a threshold. I guess it's difficult when people are much more comfortable when everything has to be moulded according to their convenience, even if it's at the expense of everyone else in a group. I'd say conviction has pretty much subsided into indifference.
Is it better to succumb to the ebb-and-flow nature of friendships or be selective and cling on to those you believe matter, as futile as it may seem sometimes.
For all my words, i just hope i've never put anyone in that situation.