|
|
Solace of the Shadows
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
Funny how it doesn't really feel like a completely new year...like something is still lingering from 2002. Hah. It'll be weird to wake up at the start of January without having any school to get ready for and all. Suddenly it feels rather empty without something like school to dictate one's life.
The last night of the year was spent pretty haphazardly but very fun nonetheless. I would've stayed home and slept like last year in any other case haha. Went to Sarah's house and met her relatives for dinner. Felt kinda awkward at first but i figure they were all nice folks anyway so it was alright. Haha Sarah, if you ever do read this...thanks for a great time :). Your cousins are nice and damn funny, you're lucky you can hang out with them and all. But you don't think so?! Her house is like connected by a stairwell to another house slightly below hers, which is incidentally her cousin's house which was kinda cool but Sarah said can be quite disadvantageous at times haha.
So Pehon and Kah Sian and his gf came over and we just sat and talked for a while before we decided to go to boat quay. It was friggin crowded there and we got stuck for a while trying to walk down the long pathway towards the fullerton hotel. Everyone was gathered in huge masses to watch some fireworks at the Esplanade or somewhere around that area and it was one huge jam. Finally though we made our way to boat quay area and it was mayhem there as well. All the clubs were filled with people. It was really a bit too chaotic for me, i guess maybe i'm slightly agoraphobic or something but just the sight of so many people doing crazy things doesn't really appeal to me. We almost ended up going into Hendrix but i'm glad we didn't because we ended up leaving boat quay and taking a taxi down to mohammad sultan to try and find another place.
So in the end we walked around some more before deciding to go into Milk-Bar and at first it didn't seem too good because the dj was playing crappy music and there were bengs and lians and the like at the dance floor and the bottom level was full of adults dancing like chickens who got shot or something. But by around 1-2 quite a bit of people had filtered out from the dance floor and we practically had the whole place to ourselves which was pretty amusing to me. Sarah and company dance pretty well, and her cousin Sammi is hilarious haha i can't get the stupid mickey song out of my head specially when you guys started dancing funny lol. Eh Sammi really dances well, it was fun to dance with her ;). But the one's who take the cake for the worst dancers were the few psuedo-bengs who hung around and came upstairs again for a while, they danced like they were doing those para para arcade games or something. I mean i can't say i dance well but that was like wtf! One of them asked Charlene? for her name and he got rejected on the spot haha nice one!
In the end i guess everyone had to make their way home...and it really had been a pretty nice night in the end...although it was getting draggy when we were just walkin around aimlessly i'm glad it had ended the way it did and not anyway else, even though there might have been someplace better, it was good enough for me. It was just nice to see faces and people that i know and spending time with them was good enough for me, and hopefully it'll be remembered somewhere in the crevices of our memories at the least...
Monday, December 30, 2002
I'm completely lost in this song...her voice is beautiful. And if anyone out there cares to listen, (or you have broadband), you MUST go download this song :
City of Light
High-rise buildings
Low cost apartments
Financial district
Industrial area
Rows of blue collars
Steelworkers’ clink-clang
Metal rhythm left and right
This is the city, city of light
Flicker
Click on
Click off
Click on
The faceless men
The machines of the city
6 p.m. whistle
Next the inner city
Smiling grimey faces
Tea at the local pub
Low-cut dresses
High-spirited workers
Sizzling neon-lights, click on
This is the city, city of light
Flicker
Click on
Click off
Click on
The faceless men
The machines of the city
2 a.m. binge
Low-life slagheap
Used up and burnt out
Like a kick in the teeth
Ramble, shamble on home
Grime back in harness
Metal rhythm left and right
This is the city, city of light
Flicker
Click on
Click off
Click on
The faceless men
The machines of the city
by Theatre of Tragedy
Saturday, December 28, 2002
I gotta stop killing myself like this.
Went out with Mari to watch LOTR...and i gotta say that it is truly a captivating spectacle of a movie. It was truly worth my money and i don't say that about many movies. The effort put into every single minor detail was incredible and the effects and everything truly brought print to screen although Len says the movie deviates quite a bit from the book so i guess it would be impossible to truly manifest what the book portrays. I wouldn't mind watching it again but argh i'm so broke.
Mari gave me a belated christmas present. Aww so sweet of her heh. Once again i wish i could reciprocate the kindness but due to lack of funds. ARGH. Thanks Mari :)
I met up with some of the guys at around 9 and i was contemplating whether or not to go to the Blackroom party. I was hanging around outside with Kok until we gave up because they probably kind of figured we were trying to get in for free haha. Kok went to talk to one of the organizers and he got a slight discount. But the best part was that he treated me. Damn i feel like a cheapskate :P. Anyway thaaaaanks Kok. We went in and there was this psuedo metal band playing some covers and a few originals. I mean i would admittedly agree that i would not be able to do better but it really didn't seem like they were fully expressing some of the songs meanings. I could only hear Deftones and System of a Down being played but the band members save the drummer looked like they were just trying to please the crowd or something with their antics. Anyway i think they pissed the majority of the people there because it wasn't the kind of music they expected hah. But after the band stopped playing everyone started dancing at it wasn't too bad. The whole thing was pretty fun because i saw quite alot of familiar faces and all and it was pretty fun to dance with the guys. The club was pretty big as well they even had a nice lounge to rest in heh. It got really smoky after a while and the music was really thumping my ears were ringing when i left the place. Nice location too right smack in town.
My dad called me repeatedly because i had told him i would be home by 1. I got home at 2.20. Sometimes i just don't understand why he can't let go. What exactly do i have now that i am merely waiting for my enlistment? Maybe he does it subconciously, but i always get the feeling that he's ALWAYS criticizing me for my actions, always putting me down, never encouraging me. "I always see you struggling during training now". I'd like to think that fuels my fire, makes me burn to prove him wrong. Or at least i'd like to think so. If it were anyone else, it would only push me on. But when my dad does it, somehow it just gets me down sometimes so badly i just don't want to get up again. Being criticized by him is uncomparably worse to anyone else.
In any case i had already made up my mind that i would go for morning training no matter what time i got back, and man did that take a crapload of energy. I slept at around 4 and i had to wake up at 7. 3 hours of sleep. Didn't think i'd be able to make it but somehow i survived alot better than i thought i would. After the session i wasn't too tired compared to any other normal day. I just need the damned confidence. Nothing will bring me down.
Friday, December 27, 2002
What a day.
After the usual morning training i went home and slept and woke up and hurriedly got changed to get ready for my swim club's annual dinner and dance thing. They decided to hold it at Laguna Golf and Country Club Resort. Pretty nice place. My dad would only pick me up to go there 1/2 way so i had to take the MRT and i ended up being late. I think i have bad memory. I tend to forget faces pretty easily. Alot of times i find myself squinting at someone who vaguely looks familiar for a while before anything registers in my memory and as a result people always get the wrong idea haha.
Hmm on the way to the resort my dad parked somewhere first to make a delivery and while i was waiting in the car, a friggin bus got too near and scratched against the side of the car. I could feel the whole car shift about. Worse thing was the fella didn't even stop the bus. I didn't see him drop off any passengers he just drove off. Luckily i took down his number plate and when my dad came back, naturally he was ultra pissed as he always gets and he decided to drive around and find the bus driver. It didn't take very long and when the bus pulled over at a bus stop to pick up some passengers my dad got out of the car and walked into the bus to get the guy out. What pissed me off was that the guy initially pretended he had no idea the bus had scratched the side of the car and i said i was inside when it happened. He still denied it until my dad brought him to the side of his bus and there a part of the bus at the back had fallen off, i don't know what. No way he was going to deny it further so hopefully my dad can get can claim some compensation for it.
Ugh anyway i got there late thanks to the incident. The whole thing wasn't too bad. Not as good as previous years because the club has suffered a few problems lately and the number of members has dropped quite significantly. Pretty sad, because i used to love swimming in the club with all the people to train with.. now my group consists of a mere 8 members the rest of the smaller groups are all younger kids. Argghhh the most frustrating thing of the night was the lucky draw! All the prizes were pretty alright but the top 3 prizes. 2 PS2s and 1 X-Box!!!! And all of them were swept by the small kids!! ^$@#%$ Bryan, Denise and me were all banging our heads on the table. Wow that was a heart wrencher haha. Ahhh and i think its practically my last DnD because next year i'd probably be somewhere in camp or something. Ok thats briefly it for today, or rather Friday. I took a picture with Denise and Bryan i'd put it up when i get it. Night folks
Thursday, December 26, 2002
One heck of a killer day, had to wake up and go down to Kallang again for physiotherapy. I really don't want to keep having to make trips there but today kinda helped ease some of the problems my back's been giving me.
Basically one of the physio people tried to locate the problem area in my back before giving me a sort of rub down. Whoa that was good heh. My back is, for some reason always very tense. Apparently its a bit more arched than most people's backs and that causes the bone area around the lower back to be constricted more easily making it ache whenever i apply any pressure on that area.
Well after the massage, they put some hot pads on my back. I didn't really get a look at what they put on my back but it caused an initial prickling sensation all around my lower back before subsiding into waves of heat. It felt pretty odd yet good, i don't know whether it helped but i guess maybe i thought it did psychologically.
The whole thing ended with some gym work to help strengthen the back area. It did a good job of making me feel very weak. I couldn't really handle some of the exercises meant to help and there was one where i had to support my body on my elbows and my body was just shaking because i couldn't really take it ugh. Supposed to keep on doing those exercises on my own at home everyday. Heck, whatever works i'll try it.
Then had to take a bus down to training. Slept on the bus mostly. Thought i would have been too exhausted to train but it wasn't too bad today maybe the physio really helped or maybe it didn't but i guess slowly i'm beginning to get a feel of the water back. I always jinx myself when i say that but what the hey lol.
Well that's about it for today i'm gonna knock out soon have a good night folks
Lullaby : Katatonia - Deadhouse
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
ok here's a couple of random pictures taken with classmates and stuff using Ben's digicam. Sorry the pics abit lame :P
click on the link!
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
Was so exhausted from last night and all, even though i slept at 1.30 (which is pretty early by my standards nowadays), training this morning really killed me. Was hanging on by the teeth. Luckily it rained for a while and gave me another 10 mins of rest heh. Swimming in the rain is good though. The raindrops pelting on the body with each stroke, and the convection currents in the water giving the sensation of hot and cold. The rain just blurs out everything surrounding the pool and it seems as though its just you and an endless body of water. Its a little odd to describe, maybe i just get a little kick out of it.
The feeling of losing a little purpose is coming back. I'm going to be enlisting in like what? 29 more days, and what have i done with the precious little time that i have now? I'm pondering as to how exactly i should make use of the remaining time left. Merely spending my time swimming, sleeping, eating and the ocassional going out isn't exactly very fulfilling. First on the list, i gotta make sure i find some time to go out with most of the people i have not seen for such a long time ever since the battle of jc ensued and hopefully just manage to get a glimpse of their faces to last me in my arduous confinement in camp.
In the meantime, i'm still waiting for my verification slip to take the SATs on the 25th of Jan to arrive. They're just so damned inefficient at all this. I mean, you pay 70 odd bucks to take a damned test, you'd think the least they could do is ease the pressure a little by letting you know if you're confirmed to take the thing in the first place. All these complications really get on the nerves. It doesn't help when i'm already enlisting on the 23rd of Jan and i'd probably have to get permission from my officer in charge or whatever in order to leave camp and take the test. I'm gonna leave it til after the new year. Hopefully they send something to let me know. Anyone else here taking the SATs on the 25th? Lemme know please thanks. Alright, well have a Merry Xmas and all, not like i celebrate it but what the hey yeah :)
i love this song so here's the lyrics :
Watching Over Me
I had a friend many years ago
One tragic night he died
The saddest time of my life
For weeks and weeks I cried
Through the anger and through the tears
I've felt his spirit through the years
I'd swear, He's watching me
Guiding me through hard times
(chorus)
I feel it once again
It's overwhelming me
His spirit's like the wind
The angel guarding me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
We shared dreams like all best friends
Blood brothers at the age of ten
We lived reckless, he paid the price
But why? Why did he have to die?
It still hurts me to this day
Am I selfish for feeling this way?
I know he's an angel now
Together we'll be someday
I feel it once again
It's overwhelming me
His spirit's like the wind
The angel guarding me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Oh, I know, oh, I know
He's watching over me
Monday, December 23, 2002
Just got back from the class gathering at Mingwei's condo. I gotta say its a pretty nice place and all. Spacious area and it was all ours! It was one of his rented property. Too bad i couldn't stay over. But the whole thing went pretty alright except the food issue. Only a few of us brought food and those that didn't just brought their appetites. But like most class gatherings, nothing much can be expected. It was pretty good to just hang out though and do stupid things. Took some pics with Ben Koh's digicam hopefully he'll be able to send me soon. We tried to strip Boon Kiat because it was nearing his birthday but he continually eluded us until we gave up eventually. And Raphael destroyed a bed in the process by jumping on it until the metal frame gave way and it crashed onto the flooring. I pity the people who lived downstairs because we really made havoc in there haha.
Speaking of which. Ben Koh got a Mambo tshirt for me from Aus as an Xmas pres. This despite the fact that i got his shoes stolen when i left it in my locker and all the rj lockers had gotten broken into. Ben, if you ever read this, you are too ridiculously nice man. Someday the favour will be returned to you. He wrote a nice card too. Won't forget it man. Heh. I took a gay shot with Ben on the bed too ;). Will put it up when i get it lol. I wish i had the $$ to get presents for all those who got me presents. D'oh.
Hmm realized i've been writing kinda disjointedly. Its just that i get flashes and glimpses of what happened in the day and i'm just randomly writing them down. Its hard to put thoughts onto script. Alright. Guess thats all thats come to mind for tonight. Have a good one folks.
Sunday, December 22, 2002
Somewhere along the way, people change. Some for the better, some for the worst. I saw this guy i used to know in secondary school. He was pretty decent then, but that night he just completely blew me off. I said hi and he definitely pretended not to notice me. For some reason, i don't know, he probably thinks really highly of himself now. Oh sure, maybe its because he's hanging around with his bunch of girls or whatever i don't know, but if you know someone at least have the decency to acknowledge his presence. I hate it when people get the idea that they become too good for the people they used to know in favour of their new clique. The next time i bump into him, he's gonna get nothing out of me.
But somehow, people like these are, in a way, needed. After this encounter, i'm alot more determined to make sure all those people out there who ever thought they were too good for me will eat their words and pay for their arrogance one day. Its a pretty good source of motivation actually. To all those who've been true to me and everything all this while, i sincerely appreciate it. Not many out there who are, but still enough to keep me going. One day, they will all know.
After reading it, this whole entry doesn't really encapsulate how i really feel but i guess i can only put it in such a way. Heck, i'm going to watch Child's Play 2 now. Chucky kicks everyones ass...cept the kid's heh.
Saturday, December 21, 2002
Nothing much has been happening lately. Just the usual. Went out after morning training with some of the classmates. Or rather like two, Raphael and Boon Kiat. Supposed class outing but like most of the class outings, it usually ends up a failure haha. Relatively decent turn out later in the evening though when Danielle, Mel, Ben, Valerie and Weijie turned up for dinner. Took some shots with Ben's kickass digicam but $%!@$@! Boon Kiat deleted them! So no show i'm afraid. I didn't stay for the dinner for long because yeah i'm on a tight budget and i needed to be home early.
Today wasn't that bad a day even though nothing much was done. Trained in the morning, came home and slept all afternoon. Like from 1230-530 or so. Think today pretty much compensated for the past few days of sleepless nights.
My bro got into ACJ. Appealed in. I wonder how he will fare there. I'd try to make sure the experience he has doesn't turn out like mine. But ultimately he's going to face all the oppression and ridiculous rules the system there imposes. I guess he'd be able to take it better than i did. He's too heck care about it all to bother hah. Hopefully he'll find the whole jc thing better than i did.
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
And so i sit here, still lamenting about how i could've spent my time at the party better haha. It started off pretty good actually, then all the irritating stuff started coming in. The smoke, the puke, and the bad music.
Ok for one thing, i don't get why people choose, of all times, to smoke at a party. I mean, you have all day and you come to the place just to fag? Is the desire so overwhelming at that dire point of time that you have to light up a friggin cigarette? Frankly those who do seem to have a point to prove or something, or maybe they get commission by promoting the brand of cigarettes they use. Who knows. I don't bloody smoke and i never will.
Anyway the whole thing was alright until about maybe 1 or so when it just got too crowded and the music wasn't even worth dancing to. They even played P.O.D and Linkin Park?! Erh? What for? They should have just asked me i could've gave them a better selection of that genre haha. I only know like one possible song that could constitute as techno. White Zombie's More Human than Human haha. It was fun just to dance with the people there i knew, but i got to dance with some others i didn't know but i just left it as that i guess i couldn't be bothered at that point of time for some reason argh.
Ah well perhaps the next one. If there will be heh. How'd everyone else find it anyway lemme know. Ok think i'll go back to sleep. Training later in the afternoon. That's where my real party is baby.
Just got home, went for the friggin embassy party. Anyone of you guys went? How'd you find it? Okay well i'm really too tired to elaborate. Will do so tomorrow. Oh man my feet hurt.
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Finally i'm getting the feel of the water back. I think. Managed to keep up better and i'm moving up the line heh. I think i really should sleep earlier. Sleeping at 2.30am and waking up at 7am to train is no joke argh. Going this morning too. Hope i haven't lost the drive.
Went to get an X-ray at Jurong after training with mum. 60 bucks for an X-ray of the spine! Geez. I hope i get reimbursed when i go back to Kallang. And the whole procedure was kind of weird. They made me wear this thin robe and i had to lie down on a platform. First thing in my head. Porno shoot. Heh. The lady had to adjust me into certain positions before taking the x-ray. Amazing how it works because all that was above my head was a squarish attachment like an OHP, and there was no big flashes or anything but i could hear it working and each time i had to change position she put in a new piece of film. The whole thing was over in like 3 minutes or something. Weird process. I'd have to go back there on thursday to collect the results and then head to Kallang to get the review. Argh.
Tomorrow, or rather today..will be somewhat of a break i hope. I asked her out today..and she said she'd call me to confirm. Sigh. I hope i get to see her again. After that i'd be joining Ganesh and Emery and we'd be heading down to the party. I hope everything just goes well. I need it to get my mind off everything. In the meantime, have a good night folks
oh and mabs...just forget about your sister will you!!!!!
lullaby : Soilwork - Sadistic Lullabye
Monday, December 16, 2002
Just got home from Kallang. Finally got it done, but it wasn't really how i expected it. There's nothing seriously wrong with my arm or my back. Even though my back has really been giving me problems. All the doctor could do was prod around and make me move around to try and locate the injury, and he'd ask me if the part he applied pressure on was painful. My back hurts but if its just being pressed a bit of course it wouldn't hurt or anything and besides after like 3 years i've kind of gotten used to the pain. I told him maybe its because its already become routine; so he's making me take an X-ray tomorrow at some clinic and then i'd have to see him again at Kallang with the X-ray result. Geez, my body is full of problems. Next on the agenda, i have to go make an appointment with the skin centre again to try and clear some infection which has been bugging me for another few years.
I noticed several people there who seemed like they were regular patrons there or something because they knew their way around the place pretty well. Its funny because its actually my first time at the place, despite the fact that i have had these problems for quite some time and i don't have to pay a cent to see the doctor. I don't like to complain when i get an injury but i guess i needed to clear any doubts before i entered NS. However some of the people there seemed like hypochondriacs or something, going there just because of the slightest pain or discomfort. Geez you'd think they'd be able to tolerate pain a bit better. Oh well its their money haha. I got free painkillers and some cream which supposedly helps. I hope. heh. Okay later folks
Sunday, December 15, 2002
I always seem to be putting up depressing posts these past few days and its not like i do it on purpose. However tonight things seemed to look up a bit. I reconciled things with a friend, and it was like a huge load off my chest. I just don't want to lose any of my friends at this stage, after school is over. I might never see some of them again, and i just don't want things to end on a sour note. It was nice to be able to talk to her again. I don't know if it filtered through but i finally spoke my mind and ended all the mindless cold wars. I just want things to work out and be the way it used to. I guess it was one small step. I feel better. I hope i don't jinx myself by saying that. Good night folks
sweet solace : Iced Earth - Watching Over Me
Saturday, December 14, 2002
morning folks...almost afternoon. Nothing much has been happening expectedly. Went for morning training as usual. I desperately need a break, i think the body is just overspent for this week. Its kind of frustrating when you push yourself as hard as you can go and its not even 1/2 of what you're capable of. Mentally, its quite crushing.
Reminder to self : Get your lazy ass back in shape by the end of Dec
Trying to get a slot at Kallang tomorrow. I've been putting it off too long already. Since like what? Sec3? My back's been giving me alot of problems and i figure i'd better get it done and over with before NS comes around. I'm just afraid they won't be able to do anything about it and it'll just continue to bug me forever. Besides that i need to friggin check my arm out before i can start doing gym. Geez, you'd think 3 months of not training would give a little less problems. I think i'm deteriorating. Argh never been to the place before for any physio even though its free. Jus hope it works out tomorrow.
Okay i need to sleep. Later folks
i'm feeling a bit better but i'm still thinking about her alot. i think i get jealous too easily in some situations. sigh
some music...this band is awesome...check em out here
Return of the night creatures
Hear how the wolves sing
as day become night...
the earth shivers, it's on its way,
see how the fear increase
they await the beast
soon blood will be shed.
Where he goes death will follow
and haunt you through the night,
this spawn of evil, raised...by Hell
Feel his hunger, smell his breath
you know you will die
when the beast of night returns.
Now his presence reigns
they can feel its wrath
death will come out of the dark,
the sound of magic flows in the wind
the sign, before he attack.
Pierced from within, swallowed by flames,
drowning in blood, how will you die?
This mystic creature,
the fear in your dreams,
lord of beast, and king of the world.
Where he goes death will follow
and haunt you through the night,
this spawn of evil, raised...by Hell.
Feel his hunger, smell his breath
you know you will die
return of the nights creature.
Friday, December 13, 2002
She is beautiful. What other word can i use to describe her. Maybe it's because i haven't seen her for so long. But going out with her today, i guess i finally realized probably just how insignificant i am anywhere in her life. I'm totally not good enough for her. And today just clearly proved it. I didn't say anything about it, but i just know it myself. What i would give just to know a speck of what she thinks about me. As much as it hurts like hell to know nothing will probably ever materialize between us, its just...pathetic of me. Its just...impossible. She's one heck of a girl. And i'm nothing to her. What can i do? Sigh...maybe i'll just leave it all alone and put it to rest once and for all. I'm just chasing a dream that'll never come true. Time to wake up, Jame. You're a nobody.
Rushed down to training after meeting her, and i tried to take it out in the water. Gave everything i had, until i couldn't feel my limbs anymore. Coach actually noticed and asked me if i was tired, all i could do was shake my head. Will i ever be good enough for anything. Honestly. Most of the time i never show how i truly feel but when i now read what i write here, its pretty funny because it really doesn't sound like me or something that i would ever say. If only it were that simple.
Thursday, December 12, 2002
ok here's a pic
click here for the rest of the pictures
thanks to Chong!
Warning : some photos involving food gorging are quite graphic. Discretion advised.
Pretty eventful day...or rather evening. Spent the afternoon with classmates mostly jus walking around town, went to play a bit of pool. I haven't been out since prom. Although it sometimes seems boring staying at home and going to train all the time i guess i'm not much into doing anything else.
The evening was nice, had a free dinner courtesy of Ani and Len. Eh Len ended up paying but never said so. Thanks heh. Long long time since i've eaten seafood or crab. Seafood still doesn't appeal much to me but hey. Food. Eat. Happy. But it was nicer to spend the evening just sitting around listening to conversations and quietly eating haha. It was just nice in its own way.
Took some amusing pictures too hopefully Chong will send em over and i'll put them up.
Hmm...i'm going to meet her tomorrow...just to see her for a while again. Argh..i don't even know why i'm doing it. It'll probably be some uncomfortable affair and i'd better think of things to do for tomorrow. But i just need to see her again. Hopefully after this i can just put it away. I just haven't seen her for quite a while and for some reason i need to...ahh i just don't want it to end up a disaster. Please, no.
I guess til tomorrow.
G'nite folks
Lullaby : Lacuna Coil - Entwined
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
today comprised basically of sleep, eat, swim. Killer session today, the worst since coming back from As. 5 x 300m descending 1 to 5. I realized that i can last no more than 200m. Anything above that at one shot causes me to go numb for a while. Ughh i need to do some gym but arm still hurts for some reason. Just hope it goes away soon.
Geez why is it always so hard to get a bunch of people to go out together? Eh but then again i blame myself sometimes for not being able to commit everytime someone asks me out. But it sure is irritating when i can. Maybe thats why i spend most of my time at home. Its always so troublesome to make arrangements and stuff.
hahah Len always damn funny. Tomorrow going to have dinner with Ani and Evon and they're treating.
What Len said :
* wayfaerer hails nanaboss
* bananaman hails Len
wayfaerer : eh...what did you eat today?
bananaman : ?!
bananaman : mutton curry
bananaman : rice
bananaman : french beans
bananaman : lol
wayfaerer : whaliao! you giving them chance isit?
bananaman : haha
wayfaerer : =P
bananaman : the fast begins
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
I jus don't get why she does it. One minute it seems like everything's back to normal and she talks and another minute she's completely indifferent. Like i'm a switch which can be turned on and off. Why do i bother? Why do i keep coming back? Can't i just ignore it all and just get away from it. But somehow i just keep getting reminded of the times when she did treat me like a friend. Its funny because now i'm writing it all out instead of just keeping it all in my head. Am i that pathetic to let someone just push me around like that. Whatever it is...i just hope i don't fall for it again. Its just getting more and more difficult to find one i can fully trust. Or maybe i just never will, if i'm so easily swayed. After all, i bet if i were someone popular or whatever they'd act differently. Thats always the case. Superficiality wins. People diss others for more popular people. They treat the nobody's like trash but when some big shot walks by they change their attitude completely. I think she does that. Lots of people do. Not everyone, but a large number do.
I think i will try to ignore it all completely. Let her have the fuckin limelight she craves.
Pretty typical day...finally didn't feel so tired after training. Although i guess maybe i should have gone a little harder instead. Getting a bit of form back. But the arm still hurts when i pull too hard. Ahhh hate having funny injuries. For one thing no one believes you when say you have one. Swimming at night is kind of a weird change now that we train from 6-8. The floodlights aren't very strong and its difficult to see in the water. Specially when you got people taking scuba diving courses a few lanes away. Like some water circus or something. Hah. Weirdish
Came home and just watched television. Hmm they have pretty good flicks on nowadays. Just caught the Exorcist. That, along with the Ring, are the only two movies which really are friggin scary to me. I remember watching the Exorcist with my dad when i was a kid, and one of the images which stuck in my head was the part when the bed the possessed girl was on started to shake and the girl levitated into the air. But before that her head rotated 360 degrees. That. Is. Bloody freaky. The girl who played that role would have to be possessed to act like that. Amazing how a 10 year old? can play such a disturbing role. Still remains one of the all time best horror movies. Although its more of a documentation rather than a fictional story with all the religious connotations.
Monday, December 09, 2002
Ruin And Misery
In each of your failures
I saw my victory
And each time you fall
A knife tattoos a smile
On my lips
You are now empty of life
And we are drunk with death
Raw models
Ruin & Misery
I can offer you a hand
To help you hold the dagger
A perfect jewel for
Our perfect end
And as we lay, we kissed
Fingers wet with poison
Thinking to each one
There is beauty in death
Raw models
Ruin & Misery
Allow me to doubt
We were lovers who could really share
The only love between us
Was hate
Without hope we could not fear
And silently we disappeared
Hand in hand, we took our lives
And together stopped being
Raw models on a novel of Ruin & Misery
- Moonspell, Irreligious (try it out, really)
ahh...finally got the place revamped...many thanks to kiddo Chloe for helping me out haha. Yeahhhh =)
And to Len for resizing a logo haha.
Well. Another day gone by. Classmates are discussing on a trip to Bintan. I hope my parents let me go. But they'd have to pay for me as well. Shucks. It'd be great just to spend some time with my classmates in someplace other than Singapore.
Woohoo training tomorrow. G'nite folks
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Morning...eh...Afternoon. Looks like another boring day ahead, think i'm pretty much destined to spend most of my time at home. Its not that bad i can't be bothered to drag my ass and change and take a bus all the way to town only to find nothing to do and end up bumming around when i could be at home sleeping or watching tv. Ah holidays.
I wonder how people do it. Quite a number, especially girls, have begun to find jobs during the holidays. Pretty frightening, so quickly we'll be stepping into another ball game, a different arena. A friend of mine is doing some admin work in Sentosa. Another working at Starbucks. They say it sucks and is completely boring but the people are friendly and blah. How long would anyone be able to keep that up? Its jus like jc, everyone seems so nice and courteous for the first few weeks and then it wears down to reveal their true selves. Working is gonna suck and there's no way i'd be doing any job save the ones around the house until i'm out of NS maybe. Heck even NS seems a better prospect right now.
Eh...what to do. Should i go out. Bowling with rj classmates? Call Noel out? Ahh...think i'll just stay home today. Later folks
Listening to : Soilwork - Natural Born Chaos (courtesy of Len)
woohoo morning music!
Saturday, December 07, 2002
well...first entry
Figured since i'm down to my last 50 bucks of savings until i enlist on the 23rd Jan, not to mention i'd be spending alot more time at home as a results, what the heck i might as well do something while i'm online. I didn't do it because every other person online has one. I remember i had a diary once in primary school, after reading this book i borrowed, and when i rediscovered it like a couple of years later i'd cringe at the stuff i wrote then. Maybe because it was all innocently penned down with disregard to anything else, unrestraint by possible ridicule by anyone else.
I read other people's blogs sometimes and they almost always try to defend themselves from criticism by saying "hey its my blog i can do whatever i want" and "i have a right to speak my mind" but this is an online journal and by publicly revealing your thoughts on others, you're already voicing your own criticism whereby anyone can view it. Then maybe they'd say "if you don't like what i say, don't come here", but if the victim does that it doesn't mean others won't come along and read what has been said. Pretty ridiculous. People can't help but be affected by what others say, even the most indifferent will feel the pinch of reading something bad spoken about them. Oh well, just mindless rambling. I'm sure i'll encounter my fair share of lashing out at others but i guess i'd write this to remind myself not to.
In other matters of trivial concern, i slept at 2.30 this morning and had to wake up 5 hours later for morning training. The water felt pretty good. It always feels good to swim. Even better when it hurts like hell. Come home and sleep like a rock. Pain feels good sometimes. The aching kind. haha.
Don't know if i should go for the party later. I have 50 bucks left (no kidding) and i don't get allowance during the holidays so i'm qualified as broke. The ticket alone costs 20 bucks and cab fare will cost at least another 15. Wow i just answered my own question. Anyway might be going visiting or something later on and my arm hurts like mad since tuesday. 3 months of inactivity sure makes the bones creak. I'm so friggin stiff. Ahh..think i'll go sleep soon. Slept all afternoon yesterday and i was still tired. Later
Oh if anyone actually reads this, (i'm not gonna advertise much anyway), sign the guestbook
wait do i have one?
damn i know jack about all this. oh thanks mabs for helping me start this haha.
|
|
|
