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Solace of the Shadows
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Thanks to Denise and Bryan for a really nice day...it was great to talk about everything under the sun and unforgotten memories. Too tired to elaborate. Some of these :
Sunday, February 22, 2004
Today was a pretty interesting experience.
I woke up late expecting to spend the rest of my day interspersed between watching tv and taking naps until i got a call from some guy in the security department of my station asking me if i could be deployed at Sentosa because he was short of manpower at the last minute. I thought it would be bad of me to say no since this guy has been under alot of pressure with all the major operations recently so what the heck i ended up burning my entire Sunday.
The reason for deployment? The President of Poland had just touched down on Singapore's merry shores this morning and where does he go on his first day out? Sentosa.
The schedule for him was that he'd be making 3 stops. First at the new skytower, followed by the musical fountain and finally Underwater World. I got deployed to secure the area at the musical fountain before his arrival.
What i gotta say is that these foreign VIPs really know how to arrive in style.
What was supposed to be a group of 35 including the president ended up to be around 50 odd people strolling in. From where i was standing at the fountain, it was impossible NOT to witness his arrival even through the many trees surrounding the place. Flashes of blue and red could be seen for a good minute or two in the darkness of the evening. He had an escort of at least 20 Traffic Police bikes and they arrived in at least 13-15 assorted cars and buses. Amazing. The whole setup looked like the arrival of some big time mafia gangster or something. Legalised, of course.
The whole lot of them streamed into the musical fountain seating area which was obviously reserved for them. I was the only officer deployed there. The rest were from security command, which wasn't many. He didn't need many local security because among his huge entourage were many burly looking bodyguards dressed in their jacket and sunglasses. Some of them stood behind and whipped out huge cigars and started their own BBQ smoking pit during the show. I kid you not. The President of Poland himself was almost indistinguishably dressed in a casual pink shirt and pants. I almost couldn't pick him out when i saluted upon his arrival.
Then, as quickly as he had come, he left, along with his escort. I joined my officer in charge in the police van and watched them move towards Underwater World before they finally left. It really looked like something out of the movies. But i suspect that his visit to Singapore wasn't much of an official one. Apparently this can't even begin to compare to the kind of treatment Bush recieved when he visited Singapore recently.
Thats a President's fuckin day out.
In other matters, it was really great seeing everyone at the FunORama. I can't believe i've been going to practically every single one since i was a kid in primary school. Yeah sure, everyone bitches and whines about how this year's one isn't as great as the previous and that it can be better but ultimately everyone has a good time catching up with people, some of whom i probably might not see again til the next FunORama. Thanks to Sarah for giving me 20 bucks worth of tickets so i didn't have to spend a single red cent heh.
Hope everyone had a good weekend. Take care folks.
Oh i have this song stuck in my head. Please go listen. Really.
Alice in Chains - Bleed the Freak
Monday, February 16, 2004
Some days you feel that there are things in life which treat you well and you wish that things would just stop and suspend there for you to enjoy, but you know for sure that sooner or later it'll reach a peak and things might just start to go downhill from there.
But why not enjoy it while it lasts eh.
I've never felt happier to be working where i am now. The whole environment is just getting along fine with me. I don't know what made me want to be posted to PHQ because thats the last damn place i'd want to be right now. I've met great new people to hang out with, the station is close to my place, there's a decent gym, i don't have to see some my squadmates i don't like; plus the squadmate who's with me is someone i enjoy talking to, great eating places...so on and so forth.
As always, whenever i say how contented i am, things begin to conspire against me to bring me down, i guess thats why sometimes i feel i'm a jinx and i have many idiosyncratic rituals and actions.
But why not enjoy it while it lasts eh.
Today was also one of those days whereby i felt like slowly numbing my body into a submission of some sorts. It's hard to explain. Sometimes i just feel like seeing how much my body can take if i could just turn off a switch in my mind and discard all senses of pain. Its more than that. Its a sudden rush and desire i cannot put into words. I wonder if anyone else has the same feeling. After realizing just how badly out of shape i was during training yesterday, i decided to do a bit of gym after work today. A bit turned into quite alot. And i went home, and suddenly felt like a run. A short run turned into a long run. Now i sit here throbbing and feeling extremely weak (but happy), knowing tomorrow i will wake up extremely sore (but satisfied). I rarely feel this kind of drive anymore.
Cephalic Carnage - Lucid Intervals
Saturday, February 07, 2004
How many times can a deep scar be torn open to remind yourself of its searing pain numbing your senses leaving you so vulnerable...
Is it better to keep something within you never letting anyone know, harbouring a hope (false) that things could be better but telling yourself to be contented with the way things are going now because despite knowing that you are happy you cannot deny yourself when your mind whispers to you that deep down inside you wish for something more even though you know it isn't possible.
Or is it better to let that something be known rather than deluding yourself constantly, and eventually finding out the truth, the words that you never wanted to hear, even though you expected it to come by taking this route. Only to find happiness slowly ebbing away giving way to the inevitable pain wrenching your chest. Leaving you to slump in a corner and immediately regret what you had said, wishing you were back to your world of delusion and clinging on to the lull of a false sense of security.
How many times must i feel the sting of an open wound to realize finally that i simply stand no chance. Why do i put myself in this exact position once more? Why is it when i find myself feeling so strongly about someone it culminates in disaster? Feelings are beyond control, no matter how many times i tell myself i will be able to withstand being overwhelmed, it isn't possible. How long will i take this time to recover, how long before i allow myself to be so easily torn apart like a rag doll? Don't i ever learn from my mistakes?
Accepting it doesn't mean i will not be reminded of it. It will only turn into another visible scar.
So tired of it all, why can't i ever learn to avoid it? Enough, no more, please. No more.
Cloak of autumn shroud
I gaze, dim ricochet of stars
I reckon it is time for me to leave
You sleep in the light
Yet the night and the silent water
Still so dark...
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Short Rant
Today at work i accompanied my colleague to take photos of different areas which would aid him in his plans of his bird flu procedures and operations in case the epidemic were to break out. and we went in plainclothes driving the police car. when my colleague got out to take photos obviously some members of public who weren't aware of what was happening saw him taking the photos...but we din think much abt it, until we got back to the station after taking the photos only to be told that some member of public had called the station while we were out to complain that he had spotted the police were parking along the road and taking photos...like WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
firstly the guy complains to the police ABOUT the police and secondly what the hell is wrong with taking photos?! if it were some tourists no one would give a damn. its for the public's own damn good that we're taking such precautions and going through such lengths..geezus i really hope that asshole who called is the FIRST AND ONLY ONE TO DIE OF BIRD FLU! seriously, i rarely encounter people of such extreme ignorance and utter stupidity.
When the police issues summons to members of public who have committed parking or traffic offences, they start to act like they didn't do anything wrong and complain and argue back and ask for another chance like it's their right and they deserve it despite the fact that they so clearly committed an offence. So i pose this question : When a thief or robber breaks into their house and steals their precious and expensive belongings, who the hell do they end up turning to and complaining for help? If we can give you a friggin chance for a parking offence, why don't we give the damned robber another chance for breaking into your house and let him off too?? Whats the difference, both of you are still offenders yes? If that doesn't make sense i don't know what does.
but the good thing is we're not in trouble cos apparently members of public always call to make the stupidest complaints ever so its happened before. but still. WTF?! fortunately this hasn't happened to me directly but i've seen it happen to some of the other guys during my attachment and now today.
Ok i just really had to let it out. Excuse me yeah.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
I usually don't go out much on weekends but during this long weekend i ended up going out on every single day even though i felt like bumming around the house like i usually enjoy doing. Met different people on each following day, and honestly it felt nice to catch up with people i haven't seen much (usually due to my fault). Seeing and meeting up with friends is somewhat like oiling a rusty hinge or clearing a messy desk, i guess i'm not too good at trying to appreciate these things even though i mean to. But sometimes i just wish i knew how to get to know people better. Sometimes i don't know what i'm talking about either.
Along the way out typically bumped into random people on the streets, some of whom i can't really give a damn about but feel compelled to greet anyway. It always irritates me to meet a person i once knew as a friend morph into someone unrecognizably hideous in character all of a sudden, within such a short span of time. What on earth can bring about such change? Army, apparently. But then again i wouldn't know. Some change is never good, no matter how much you would rather people remain the way they are you can't help feeling helpless when you see drastic changes in a person's character. Maybe i have changed, myself, but no one has come up to me to tell me so. Well if i have, please do let me know. Those who say that they change for nobody and give excuses like 'oh i'm just being the way i am, i can't help it' is just bullshit because ultimately you affect everyone around you and no matter what you have to change in some way. More often than not, you change to suit your environment, not the other way round. But thats a separate issue, i tend to think about that from time to time.
Work is taking up an unexpectedly large portion of my time nowadays. I wouldn't mind in the least except that its not allowing me to swim at all. I guess i'd have to figure something out eventually. Alot of seminars and meetings and events which is all quite interesting being the first time experiencing it i guess, but it is quite draining. Going to Suntec tomorrow for some event involving the Home Team. I think it'll be a waste of time but hey, free food is always welcome.
Next week i'll have to attend some Family Violence seminar because my post deals with family violence cases and after looking through and registering loads of files on cases of family violence, i am rather traumatized by how married life could be like. Last year there was a registered 280+ cases of family violence within my Division alone, and my division covers a small portion of the West of Singapore, so i can't imagine how many cases there are in total in Singapore. All of the cases involved one of the parties voluntarily causing hurt to the other, and this wasn't just restricted to the husband inflicting pain on his wife, some of the cases involved the wife beating up the subservient husband.
Why do people register for marriage? Most of the cases spawned from the most banal arguements, resulting in violent conflict. Until now, i haven't really envisioned myself in a relationship, much less as a married man. A part of me would long to have a significant other to talk to, sometimes i really do envy my friends who are happily attached. I think undeniably, unless you are that damned self-absorbed, no matter how much you give yourself excuses about how great it is to be single and adamant cries of 'whats the big deal' and 'no rush lah, i don't care really', there is always a part which longs for someone to relate to and share a closely knit bond with. Reading all these files makes those transient feelings even more fleeting. It takes an inordinate amount of effort to maintain anything, and a relationship would be one of those. A marriage would surpass all of it. It was really sad to realize just how many ended up so horribly. Why, really, does human nature bring forth so many unnecessary complications?
I think i go way out of point sometimes. Its the same with my thinking. One moment i'm deciding whether to buy a hamburger or kway teow for lunch, the next moment i'm contemplating how the universe came into creation. No lah not to that extent but yeah i know i'm full of crap.
As usual take care folks.
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