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Solace of the Shadows
Thursday, August 26, 2004
The past weeks have been more than hectic. Been meaning to blog about whats been happening but the body just says go to sleep and save it for another day. Its funny how in the past i'd gripe about spending too much time rotting at home, and now it's been the complete opposite. I barely spend enough time at home and i really want to find the time to but those days are few and far between. I think i need a couple of days to restore some sort of order to whats happening around. Its like an inexorable whirl of events which demands attention every friggin waking minute. The thing is, most times i'd simply be content to take things slow and easy, watching everything happen before me as i sit in quiet appreciation rather than diving headstrong into the thick of things. I think my parents are beginning to wonder if they even have a third child or something because the only time i see them is at night when i let myself into the house. Not good.
Going to WOMAD tomorrow with Arzish, Frinn & my dear Fatiiiiiin...hope it's good. Can't wait.
Night folks.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
It has been an ambivalent day of sorts. Highly unusual for the yearly affair which is my birth day. I guess i just plainly don't celebrate it in any way. Last year, i spent it at home in a friggin cast, waiting for the very next day when, coincidentally, i would finally be able to saw it off. The year before last, i was chased around by classmates and promptly stripped of my clothing (almost) during school. After which, i went home and slept. Preceding years before that, i can't recall anything, which means nothing of significance happened to make any previous birthdays that memorable. Well, not since i was a kid when i could get remote control cars and transformers and hotwheels/micromachines (etc.) for presents.
So this is what it feels like to be 20. It feels like i'm any other age BUT twenty. I think many before me (including fatin) have aptly described the weird feeling of turning to this particular age so i'll skip that. But it seems like the only use i can draw from all this is that i can say hey, it's been 20 years on this planet. It's like driving a stake into the ground and creating a line separating the past 20 years....and Now. What's happened prior to the creation of the line, has happened, and will be left as that. At the ripely formed age of twenty, anything that happens, happens anew. It's like stepping into a different room, yet feeling exactly the same as when you were in the previous room.
I'll skip the details of the day, because i wanna say Thanks to the few people involved in today (aug 12th).
Thanks to the bunch of people who make life so much more tolerable, who drive sense into me at times, who are there to talk to me about all the shit happening around. Arzish, Roslan and Roy. Spank you guys.
And to Fatin, who made today the best birthday i've had since probably when i was a kid. There's more i'd wanna say but i'd probably mess it up if i said it here. Thanks dear, you complete me. Having you by my side today was all i needed.
Good night folks and happy friday the 13th.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I'm so pissed off now i'm totally blogging on impulse, so whatever i say right now, who the hell cares. Why in flying hell would even NS men want to incessently showcase themselves for the purpose of "scoring points"? Although granted, during certain instances and opportunities it would be good to show your ability at handling work once in a while, but when you do so, DON'T bloody steal other's efforts and state them as your own when you've barely contributed a substantial amount of input to claim such a chunk of credit for yourself. Sure, some might call me petty but i totally hate people with this attitude and mindset of stealing credit for the purpose of getting recognition purely for themselves while failing to acknowledge others. So lemme get this straight, I'm supposed to be handling the registration, and he's the one sending out the friggin email to the entire division when I crafted the email? Why doesn't he do it both then? Does he even know the layout and flow of the entire event? Do everything yourself in that case, oh wait, you haven't done much yet to begin with! Just alot of empty talk!
Put simply, it completely KILLED any shred of motivation and encouragement i had to organize such an event, especially with the knowledge that whatever i'm going to be contributing will be taken away and masked by someone else anyway. Do it for personal satisfaction you might say? Screw that, it doesn't exist.
Saturday, August 07, 2004
There are two kinds of endings to a movie, first the kind which leaves you dissatisfied and wondering what the heck the entire movie was about in the first place; and secondly the kind which gives you slight goosebumps on your skin and feeling a tinge sad to find that suddenly you're transported back in your comfortable chair, realizing all you were watching was a show, even though you were wishing somehow the story never ended so soon. Feeling slightly dazed as the transition back to reality creeps in. Its amazing how some movies can instigate that kind of emotion. Do we want our lives modeled after a movie? Or perhaps we sometimes find ourselves unconciously assuming the characters in that very show, watching our lives unfold on reel, wishing we could have that happy ending.
Someone's in KL, and i'm missing you bad.
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