|
|
|
Solace of the Shadows
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Some instances pass you by where you feel as if you've been grabbed by the throat and forced to ingest memories and emotions shoved down, which tend to fade faster than they should. Finally giving you the opportunity to ruminate at length and take stock of the situation at hand. Like a rude shock to the head, telling you to get your damned act together. The question is how long will it take for apathy to ascend its way back to the throne.
In such a case, decisions have to be made swiftly and with little hesitation. Priorities have to be cast in stone. What is of importance now?
I think all this came about as i sat listening to my coach speak to the group after training, and compared it with the day's incidents in the office which had left me in complete disgust and disorientation. But the absolute logic and sense of my coach's words pervaded and engulfed any semblance of confusion encountered throughout the day (as he has done so many times). Even though he readily admitted to having mellowed out through time, i would readily admit myself that his words rarely ever lack the potential to incite and fuel a renewed sense of urgency and motivation. Sometimes, i would find myself clenching my fist instinctively, unconcious of the very action but eager to begin what was set forth.
Sadly, so many times has it dissipated into incomplete goals or unfinished business.
Before that, during the day in the office, i had found myself inadvertently swamped with work thrown at me in quick succession. All this was given even though they knew that i had a friggin replacement who had finally come to relieve me of my duties and shoulder the ridiculous burden which is now supposed to be HIS! Each and every time, i would encounter :
Me : Hi Sir/Ma'am, meet my replacement, he's taking over my job. I'll be teaching him before i leave.
Blind Jackass Boss : (turning to replacement) Hi, nice to meet you. (turning back to me) Wah Jame, so fast ORD huh. Oh yah eh, i got something i need you to do...
It has sickened me thoroughly that anything and everything i do at the workplace is rendered completely inconsequential with no thanks to my bloody ugly ass Turban wielding of a direct boss. He is, unfortunately, the sole individual who will ultimately pass judgement of my performance throughout my stint. He is also completely ignorant and incapable of acknowledging anything or anyone but his big fat conceited self. I have never encountered someone who has disgusted me to such an extent in my life. His name, for everyone to know, is Charanjeet Singh. And may he burn someplace. More on him the next time. Anyway Fatin suggested putting itching powder into his Turban and uniform which i thought was a pretty good idea for a farewell gift. Anyone know where to purchase good itching powder?
That aside, i realized the only way to dimiss all these matters of little importance to me at the workplace is to simply start clearing my damn leave, of which i obtained and accumulated working needlessly for a job which would bear no reward or gratification anyway.
I think probably the only thing which i will miss about the workplace in the Police will be the people i've gotten to know and hang out with and made everything actually tolerable to a considerable extent at times. Arzish, A'srie, Ken, Man, Noh, Roslan, Roy and several others....i really will miss sitting at some random coffeeshop drinking teh ping or the ocassional slacking in the office watching metal/tipdrill vids. Maybe i'll do a seperately entry on this as this post is getting a little too longwinded. So i figure i'll end here, as abrupt as it may be. I'm totally spent today.
And of course to Fatin, I love you. Thanks for always listening to my ramblings.
Til the next, take care folks.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Sitting in my chair typing this, coughing my lungs out and my eyes watery from the nose leaking like a damn waterfall, what on earth possessed me to drag my typically lazy ass to the pool today? Can't remember the last time i got a cough this bad. It shouldn't even be termed a cough. Hacking? Expulsion of foriegn matter? Coughing sounds so formal and polite. I hate it especially when you try to control yourself from hacking away but the wheezing and invisible irritation sweeps aside all willpower and you just blow up.
Well coughing aside, i guess i realize i haven't been blogging (another wtf? term to use) much. I find it strange how in the past i'd be able to remember every single detail of my day and blabber away incoherently about the most dull and minute of details. But now, even when i get the rare itch to blog again and finally plonk myself in front of the comp raring to go, everything in my head fizzles to a lazy halt.
It can be quite frustrating because this doesn't only translate to a lack of blogs, but also an increasingly dull and zombie-ish Jame. Try asking me how was my day and i'd probably go "Uhhh...hmm...zzzz". I think daily events go past in such a flurry that when i get to sit down for a change, everything seeps away like backwash. Nowadays, i'm more than content just to listen and be amused rather than engage and get my two puny cents of opinions in.
What is motivation?
Well i'd love to stay and chat more, but once my head starts whirring with what seems to be the semblance of a thought, that gripping feeling at my throat clamps down. If coughing were something i could see and touch, i've love to beat the heck out of it right now. But i guess i gotta be content with taking some Wood's Peppermint for the moment.
Enjoy your days folks.
Oh and Fatin, badminton (hope i don't die from attempting that) & Tanjong Pagar tomorrow. I can't wait. I want to see you now! *muahhh
Ok thats enough mush for you people to see.
|
|
|
|
|
